


We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

by Basic_Instinct



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Closure, M/M, Mickey is happy, Moving On, Post-Canon, Sad, as he deserves to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:32:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6772918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basic_Instinct/pseuds/Basic_Instinct
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A part of him wanted to scream. He wanted Mickey to be mad at him for what he did, how he fucked everything up. The other part was perfectly content pretending they were just a couple of old friends catching up, making small talk. Not wanting to go down the road of the mutual self-destruction he knew would come with repeating their history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for any misspellings, english is not my first language. Also, the title is from No one's gonna love you - Band of horses.

_It's looking like a limb torn off_  
_Or altogether just taken apart_  
_We're reeling through an endless fall_  
_We are the ever-living ghost of what once was_

* * *

 

Ian Gallagher had never been one to go to bars after he’d gotten his diagnosis. However, tonight was a special occasion, considering Lip had just broken the news that he was engaged to Amanda. Lip had proceeded to tell all the Gallagher boys to meet him at a fancy North-side bar called _Snickers_. Just as he approached the door, his phone beeped. Of course, it was a text from Lip telling him that they were going to be late. He stood outside the door contemplating going inside or just going home. Then he heard a recognizable voice coming from behind him.

‘’Ay, you just gonna stand there like a fucking idiot or go inside and drink something?’’

Pure confusion hit Ian like a train as he turned around and saw the one and only Mickey Milkovich in the flesh.

‘’Gallagher?’’ As Mickey started walking towards him, Ian studied the older man. He looked the same, yet different. He looked more grownup than Ian had ever imagined Mickey could look. Mickey leaned against the wall next to him and lighted up a cigarette.

‘’Shit, haven’t seen you in nine years’’ Ian was at a loss of words as he looked at Mickey. He looked good. With the exception of a few more wrinkles around his eyes, he looked the same as he always had.

Mickey took a drag from his cigarette before asking ‘’How you been?’’

A part of him wanted to scream. He wanted Mickey to be mad at him for what he did, how he fucked everything up. The other part was perfectly content pretending they were just a couple of old friends catching up, making small talk. Not wanting to go down the road of the mutual self-destruction he knew would come with repeating their history.

‘’Great, especially after I stopped taking my medication.’’

‘’You fucking serious?’’ Mickey’s eyebrows rose.

‘’No, I was trying to be funny, which I now realize was stupid.’’ Mickey let out a small chuckle.

‘’Yeah, pretty fucking stupid, all right. Why you standing out here anyway?’’

‘’Lip got engaged, so we’re celebrating. You?’’

‘’It’s mine. The bar, I mean. Just got a new bartender, was going to check up on him.’’

‘’You named your bar _Snickers_? As in _Snickers bar_?’’ Ian asked disbelievingly before he burst out laughing.

‘’Shut the fuck up.’’ Mickey demanded in his most threating tone, before he caved and started laughing alongside Ian.

As their laughter died down, they were stuck in an awkward silence. Ian wanted to walk away before he said or did something stupid. He wanted to walk away before he was reminded of all ways he fucked up back then. However, he couldn't. Walking away would potentially mean never seeing Mickey again. He needed this moment, more than he would ever admit to himself.

‘’Just say it, Gallagher.’’

‘’Say what?’’

‘’You get that look on your face when you want to say something. Spit it out.’’ Ian thought it over, dreading the change in the conversation. Nevertheless, he knew there were things that needed to be said, and he could not postpone any longer.

‘’Do you think we would have made it?’’

‘’Honestly?’’ Mickey asked and Ian nodded.

‘’We were doomed from the start. You know it; I sure as hell know it. What we had drove me fucking insane. You and me? We were all kinds of fucked up. We were broken from the start. We wouldn’t have lasted any longer even if you hadn’t broken up with me. We weren’t right together, you know?’’

His voice was cold, distant, as if he didn’t completely believe the bullshit he was trying to sell.

‘’I don’t know.’’ He looked sheepishly at the ground as he spoke. Hoping Mickey would take the hint and elaborate. He did not, and Ian felt forced to continue the sentence he had been dreading to say.

‘’How did you realize me and you just weren’t..’’

He stopped himself. He was just about to admit to Mickey and himself for that matter, that he’d spent the last nine years pining after Mickey. He worked up the courage to look up at Mickey, who looked him straight in the eyes. They stood like that for a couple of seconds, looking at each other. Piercing blue eyes meeting green. Trying to read the other ones thoughts. Mickey was the one to break the silence.

‘’You remember that time you came to visit me in prison?’’ Ian nodded. Mickey took a long drag of his cigarette before continuing. ‘’I think that was when I figured out we were finally done. I mean, you had to get paid to come see me, when I would’ve’’

His voice cracked. He looked as if he was going to start crying, but he quickly pulled himself together. Ian felt a small sting in his heart, and he could not help but imagine how different both their lives could have been if he had played things a little differently.

‘’I would have done any-fucking-thing for you. I was mad for a while, but eventually that anger disappeared, I got out of jail after six years, got myself a job, and then I met someone ’’

Ian’s breath hitched. He tried to hide it by coughing a little. It didn’t seem like Mickey noticed, if he did, he chose to ignore it.

‘’I met someone who made it clear that he was willing to do anything for me. In the end, that’s what I needed. However fucking sappy that sounds.’’ 

Ian knew he had no right to be jealous, still there he was, aching for Mickey to be his again. Suddenly, a small boy ran straight past him and interrupted his thoughts.

 ‘’Dad! Look what Paul got me!’’  Ian looked at the kid who showed off a backpack to Mickey. As he watched the boy, he could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of loss. The boy had yet-black hair and the same eyes as his father. He stuttered Yevgeny under his breath.

‘’Do I know you? I’m not allowed to talk to strangers, much less those who appear to be hitting on my fucking dad.’’

Ian’s eyes grew wide. Yevgeny had definitely not only gotten the looks from his dad, but his attitude as well. ‘’Yev, be nice. This is Ian.’’ Mickey said with a chuckle. Ian stood still, before he managed to stutter out some words. ‘’Nice to meet you.’’

Before he could say anything else, he heard a male voice behind him. ‘’Sorry we’re late, Yev wanted to stop for ice cream.’’ He looked at the man who walked right past him and gave Mickey a chaste kiss. His heart skipped a beat.

‘’It’s okay, I had some company waiting for your sorry ass.’’ Mickey nodded towards Ian.

Ian hadn’t noticed he had been holding his breath until he reached out his hand and let out a small sigh. The man took firm grip of Ian’s hand. ‘’I’m Paul, nice meeting you.’’  Paul had brown curly hair and dark brown eyes. His defined muscles were showing through his skintight green t-shirt.

‘’Hi, I’m Ian.’’  He watched as Paul’s expression changed within seconds. ‘’We should get going.’’ Paul said to Mickey through gritted teeth. ‘’Yeah, alright, just give me a sec’’ Mickey gave Paul an apologetic look as Paul took Yevgeny’s hand and walked away.

 ‘’Well, he seemed nice.’’ Ian said sarcastically. ‘’Yeah, well, what would you expect from a man who has to see your name on my body every time we bang?’’ Mickey had a devilish grin on his face, and Ian let out a small laugh. ‘’You didn’t get the tattoo removed?’’ Ian asked, surprised at this newfound information.

‘’Nah man, I considered it, but I figured that there was no point in it. I mean, you were a big fucking part of my life, why pretend like you weren’t?’’ Mickey paused and took a deep breath ‘’Anyway, I should get going. Have a good life, firecrotch.’’ Mickey turned around and started walking. Ian could see Paul and Yevgeny standing at the other side of the street waiting for Mickey.

Ian had one thing he needed to get off his chest before Mickey walked away. He grabbed Mickeys arm and mumbled a quiet ‘’Wait.’’ Mickey turned around ‘’You asking me to wait? That’s pretty fucking ironic, Gallagher.’’ Mickey smiled uncomfortably as if he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

_Will you? Wait?_

Ian’s mind raced right back to that day. The day things officially went to shit. The day he had fucked up everything good in his life.

‘’I’m sorry. So fucking sorry, Mick’’ Ian said, trying his best not to start sobbing like a little baby. He knew saying sorry would not be enough. Nothing could ever be enough.

‘’It’s alright, worked out for the best, didn’t it?’’ Mickey said, with blank eyes that stated he was on the verge of tears as well.

 ‘’Are you happy? I mean, with everything. Yevgeny, Paul, your job’’

Mickey cut him off ‘’I’m happy. I really hope you get to be as fucking happy one day as I am.’’

‘’I really loved you, you know’’ Ian said, relieved that he finally got to say those three words that were long overdue. A weight was lifted off his shoulders.

‘’I really fucking loved you too.’’ Mickey stated and took Ian’s hand and squeezed it before running over the street to his family. As he watched Mickey ruffle Yevgeny’s hair and put his arm around Paul’s shoulders, Ian could not help but think that it could have been him. He could have been Paul. He could have been Yevgeny’s dad. He went inside the bar and drank as he hadn’t in years, thinking about what could have been.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are heavily appreciated!


End file.
